I stand here, watching people around me die; people I know, people I care about, people I love. And yet I remain here. Why? What have I done to deserve to be here? Why am I the one to remain here in misery, in sorrow? What is keeping me here? Am I so special that I remain here? What is my purpose when I don't even want to be here? Why can't something, or somebody, take me to where I want to be, instead of somebody else? Somebody else who doesn't want to go, somebody else that I have to watch die. I can't commit suicide, as it isn't my choice to make if my life continues, but everyday I wish that it was the day. The day to leave this accursed earth, where evil abounds, where death rules, and where sin is lord. Why am I here? What have I done to stay here? Am I not as evil as this world? Have I not done my share of evil, of sin, to leave? Are we not as evil as the other? "If we break the law in one point, we are guilty of breaking all of it." Have we not broken the law at one point, whether it be lying, stealing, etc? Then why am I here, to watch everything I have fade, to watch it crumble, leaving me to live on? Why am I, the only who really wants to go, still here, when I so don't want to be? Is it not so bad that I have lost everything, only to have to live another day without it? This world has taken everything from me, only to torture me with life. And only when I think that I have nothing, do I find something, only to have it ripped away. Can I just leave now?

I'm just wondering why I'm here when there's plenty of other people who should be here/want to be here, you know? Why can't Death visit my door instead of theirs? I'm ready, I'm willing, yet It's not coming.

@Silver: I never mentioned religion once in that whole thing.


This is just something that has been on my mind. I accept life, but these questions still nag me, and I just wanted to know other people's feelings on them.


I know some people can't accept the fact that death will come, and I don't want to offend anybody, and I don't want to sound suicidal either (cuz im not), but I'm ready for death.


Does anybody remember my quote from my previous sig?:

"I fear not death, because life has no hold on me. This world is so corrupt, and I can't wait until I'm not part of it...."


Of course that's a misquote of myself, but you get the point.....


@Shade: but im saying that they should be here and i shouldn't be. im the one who wants to go, not them......

I'm careful.....always (except when I jumped in front of that truck last month.....but hey, i made it across the street......)



and nothing anybody says can offend me. I've stated this in I-don't-know-how-many topics. Life is too short to take offense, so I don't.

basically this whole thing is to answer my whole question: "Why ain't I dead yet? There are so many others, yet I'm chosen among the few to live?"