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Makaveli
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Joined: June 13th, 2006, 7:47 pm Posts: 6039
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Dragon: Shedai
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 I found this on IF when I was really bored a long time ago.
Credit to where ever this came from, whoever made it. I laughed my hindquarters off.
SOCIALISM: You have 2 cows, and you give one to your neighbour.
COMMUNISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.
FASCISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.
NAZISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.
BUREAUCRATISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, then throws the milk away...
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.
ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.
THE ANDERSEN MODEL: You have two cows. You shred them.
A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'cowkimon' and market it worldwide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship them.
A BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. Both are mad.
IRAQI CORPORATION: Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy....
WELSH CORPORATION: You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive.
AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.
SILVAA CORPORATION: You have two cows. You try to sneak up to them in cow-style, chew a little grass to fit in with the crowd then observe them for a while, maybe even draw a picture. When you're done, you've gained their respect and now you can pat them. Done patting, now go have a dream about cows while listening to he 3OH!3 till half past 2.
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Last edited by Makaveli on February 6th, 2010, 3:07 pm, edited 2 times in total. |
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February 3rd, 2009, 5:40 am |
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xwon3
Master DragonRider
Joined: May 4th, 2007, 7:25 am Posts: 2539 Location: I now remember that when sf starts to pick up, so does the spam
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 Re: I found this on IF when I was really bored a long time ago.
Lol funny cows lol.... I like the ones where i dont die or get ripped off 
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February 3rd, 2009, 5:46 am |
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Silverwolf
Pack Alpha
Joined: April 9th, 2007, 10:48 am Posts: 9373
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 Re: I found this on IF when I was really bored a long time ago.
Quote: AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.
And as always, this is a joke... For those who missed that, this is a JOKE. As in Not Serious. That's not a joke, that's what really happens `~` all the time ... lol.
SILVER CORPORATION: You have two cows. You try to sneak up to them in cow-style, chew a little grass to fit in with the crowd then observe them for a while, maybe even draw a picture. When you're done, you've gained their respect and now you can pat them. Done patting, now go have a dream about cows while listening to he 3OH!3 till half past 2.
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February 3rd, 2009, 6:59 am |
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Makaveli
Admin
Joined: June 13th, 2006, 7:47 pm Posts: 6039
Gender: Guy
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Dragon: Shedai
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 Re: I found this on IF when I was really bored a long time ago.
That sounds about my speed! Well, I guess all of these are true, in principle (or stereotype). 
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February 3rd, 2009, 7:08 am |
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Silverwolf
Pack Alpha
Joined: April 9th, 2007, 10:48 am Posts: 9373
Gender: Girl
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Dragon: Facebones
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 Re: I found this on IF when I was really bored a long time ago.
LOL, we built this city on sterotype 
Hahah!! I can't believe you put it up, it's great. Just needs your own corporation.
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February 3rd, 2009, 8:23 am |
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Avatar Aang
Sovereign DragonRider
Joined: November 26th, 2007, 3:11 am Posts: 4889 Location: The Jongmu Temple
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 Re: I found this on IF when I was really bored a long time ago.
Quote: AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship them. Aw come on, not all Indians worship cows. That thing is pretty damn funny though.
SILVER CORPORATION BACK-UP: You have two cows. You check in their mouths for vegemite, you don't find any, then begin riding the cows. 
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February 4th, 2009, 3:10 am |
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Silverwolf
Pack Alpha
Joined: April 9th, 2007, 10:48 am Posts: 9373
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 Re: I found this on IF when I was really bored a long time ago.
Cows are coolio, though ^.^
Check in their mouths for vegemite? LOL!!! Hahaha!! More like paint yourself in vegemite and go look for a billy goat ...
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February 4th, 2009, 4:57 am |
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Makaveli
Admin
Joined: June 13th, 2006, 7:47 pm Posts: 6039
Gender: Guy
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Dragon: Shedai
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 Re: I found this on IF when I was really bored a long time ago.
They are indeed. ^.^
I actually am rather fond of cows, to tell the truth. Always liked them, even if they stink. Gentle, mellow creatures.
Best Cow Quote Ever: (If you don't know the show Firefly it will make no sense. Man I miss/love that show...)
River: Little soul, big world. Eat, sleep, and eat. Many souls. Mal: Cattle on the ship three weeks, she don't go near 'em. Suddenly we're on Jianying, and she's got a driving need to commune with the beasts? River: They weren't cows inside. They were waiting to be, but they forgot. Now they see sky, and they remember what they are. Mal: Is it bad that what she said made perfect sense to me?
I'll come up with my cow quote soon enough. Man I miss that show.
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February 4th, 2009, 5:34 am |
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Keever McD
Sovereign DragonRider
Joined: August 30th, 2006, 5:51 am Posts: 4650 Location: Home
Gender: Girl
Affiliation: Lamp Shade
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 Re: I found this on IF when I was really bored a long time ago.
kotorchief wrote: Best Cow Quote Ever: (If you don't know the show Firefly it will make no sense. Man I miss/love that show...)
River: Little soul, big world. Eat, sleep, and eat. Many souls. Mal: Cattle on the ship three weeks, she don't go near 'em. Suddenly we're on Jianying, and she's got a driving need to commune with the beasts? River: They weren't cows inside. They were waiting to be, but they forgot. Now they see sky, and they remember what they are. Mal: Is it bad that what she said made perfect sense to me?
I'll come up with my cow quote soon enough. Man I miss that show. Haha I loved that part!!
That is really awesome Kotor, I guess our farm would be considered an Australian Corporation lol
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February 4th, 2009, 6:01 pm |
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Shade-of-Red
EP Team
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 Re: I found this on IF when I was really bored a long time ago.
Wow Kotor, Awesome! just totally freak out awesome! (granted 3 weeks from now when I find my self quoting this I'll end up in NAZISM but hey, like I care )
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February 6th, 2009, 12:17 am |
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Dragon_Girl_177
Expert DragonRider
Joined: August 9th, 2008, 8:32 am Posts: 1842
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 Re: I found this on IF when I was really bored a long time ago.
LOL, this is hilarious and some of that is actually true!
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February 6th, 2009, 1:52 am |
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Toph Bei Fong
Black Dragon
Joined: November 26th, 2007, 2:59 am Posts: 6122 Location: A world that sends you reeling from decimated dreams.
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 Re: I found this on IF when I was really bored a long time ago.
Hahahahahahaha. Nice, Kotor.
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February 16th, 2009, 4:53 am |
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Silverwolf
Pack Alpha
Joined: April 9th, 2007, 10:48 am Posts: 9373
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 Re: I found this on IF when I was really bored a long time ago.
Spam, lol.
Anyway, either I sped read too fast, or I don't get it.
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February 19th, 2009, 5:42 am |
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Makaveli
Admin
Joined: June 13th, 2006, 7:47 pm Posts: 6039
Gender: Guy
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Dragon: Shedai
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 Re: I found this on IF when I was really bored a long time ago.
The jokes?
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February 19th, 2009, 8:31 pm |
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AnnieBee
Admin
Joined: March 13th, 2006, 12:43 am Posts: 10912 Location: Freezing every night and LOVING IT!
Gender: Girl
Affiliation: SF Rebels
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 Re: I found this on IF when I was really bored a long time ago.
kotorchief wrote: Credit to where ever this came from, whoever made it. I laughed my hindquarters off.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.
So freaking true!!!!!!!
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February 19th, 2009, 11:33 pm |
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Toph Bei Fong
Black Dragon
Joined: November 26th, 2007, 2:59 am Posts: 6122 Location: A world that sends you reeling from decimated dreams.
Gender: Girl
Affiliation: Dragonriders
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 Re: I found this on IF when I was really bored a long time ago.
Silverwolf Strider wrote: Spam, lol.
Anyway, either I sped read too fast, or I don't get it. Nuh uh! >.< .... v.v
I thought the Iraq one was funny....in a sad sort of way....=/ But never mind.
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February 20th, 2009, 3:53 am |
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Valkyrie
Green Dragon
Joined: August 24th, 2006, 12:24 am Posts: 8123 Location: the second star to the right and straight on till morning
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Affiliation: SF Rebels
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 Re: I found this on IF when I was really bored a long time ago.
Haha this reminds me of a shirt my friend has. Only its religion and a bit more colorful.
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February 20th, 2009, 6:13 am |
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Firetongue
Global Moderator...
Joined: November 28th, 2005, 3:44 pm Posts: 10150 Location: England
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 Re: I found this on IF when I was really bored a long time ago.
kotorchief wrote: A BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. Both are mad. ... and so is Firetongue *falls over, spasms and loses memory*
Hah, the Welsh one made me laugh sooo much, I didn't know that joke has reached all the way to America. One of my best friends is half Welsh, I don't think he'd approve XD XD XD
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February 24th, 2009, 6:58 pm |
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Makaveli
Admin
Joined: June 13th, 2006, 7:47 pm Posts: 6039
Gender: Guy
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Dragon: Shedai
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 Re: I found this on IF when I was really bored a long time ago.
Valkrayie wrote: Haha this reminds me of a shirt my friend has. Only its religion and a bit more colorful. I've seen that before. Quote: ... and so is Firetongue *falls over, spasms and loses memory*
Hah, the Welsh one made me laugh sooo much, I didn't know that joke has reached all the way to America. One of my best friends is half Welsh, I don't think he'd approve XD XD XD It causes them to lose their memory too? Are the cows still mad over there, or are they just fuming? Actually, that's the only one I couldn't figure out... 
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February 25th, 2009, 1:36 am |
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alex
Undercover Louis
Joined: November 4th, 2004, 5:30 am Posts: 4105
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 Re: I found this on IF when I was really bored a long time ago.
I really like the Enron one This might be the problem with our world. The always expect things to grow.
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February 25th, 2009, 3:23 am |
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Firetongue
Global Moderator...
Joined: November 28th, 2005, 3:44 pm Posts: 10150 Location: England
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 Re: I found this on IF when I was really bored a long time ago.
kotorchief wrote: Valkrayie wrote: Haha this reminds me of a shirt my friend has. Only its religion and a bit more colorful. I've seen that before. Quote: ... and so is Firetongue *falls over, spasms and loses memory*
Hah, the Welsh one made me laugh sooo much, I didn't know that joke has reached all the way to America. One of my best friends is half Welsh, I don't think he'd approve XD XD XD It causes them to lose their memory too? Are the cows still mad over there, or are they just fuming? Actually, that's the only one I couldn't figure out...  Well, I'm not sure how you'd check a cow's memory, but apparently that's one of the symptoms in humans. Hehe so far I've not met any mad cows here, but I think they're still around... waiting to attack... the rest seem to be quite placid XD
And there's a lot of jokes about the Welsh... liking... animals. Because eveyone thinks they're farmers and Wales is full of sheep. Which is why it's normally sheep, not cows But still funny
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February 25th, 2009, 4:59 pm |
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Keever McD
Sovereign DragonRider
Joined: August 30th, 2006, 5:51 am Posts: 4650 Location: Home
Gender: Girl
Affiliation: Lamp Shade
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 Re: I found this on IF when I was really bored a long time ago.
lol my Dad's dad was Welsh too so I could take that as an offense too lol Its funny though I've shown this to a few people and they all thought it was extremely funny!
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February 25th, 2009, 5:47 pm |
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redshurtugal08
Black Dragon
Joined: March 26th, 2007, 2:06 am Posts: 6303 Location: the net of love, the whirlwind of passion, the heat of a soccer game, or partying.
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 Re: I found this on IF when I was really bored a long time ago.
I found this on SF when I was really bored a short while ago.
I need to add the Mexican Corporation... I could do one right now, but I want to make it really good so I'll think about it tonight as I go to bed and post it tomorrow, lol.
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February 6th, 2010, 6:43 am |
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Silverwolf
Pack Alpha
Joined: April 9th, 2007, 10:48 am Posts: 9373
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 Re: I found this on IF when I was really bored a long time ago.
This is actually something we use in history class.
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February 6th, 2010, 7:03 am |
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Shade-of-Red
EP Team
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 Re: I found this on IF when I was really bored a long time ago.
*reread joke* well, I don't know what I was thinking about the Nazis then but *shrug* it's still pretty funny
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February 6th, 2010, 12:14 pm |
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redshurtugal08
Black Dragon
Joined: March 26th, 2007, 2:06 am Posts: 6303 Location: the net of love, the whirlwind of passion, the heat of a soccer game, or partying.
Gender: Guy
Affiliation: Dragonriders
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 Re: I found this on IF when I was really bored a long time ago.
I forgot to think about a good one, but this'll do lol.
MEXICAN CORPORATION: You have no cows. You steal five cows and claim they produce four times as much milk than they really do. After successfully selling them for twice the price they would have normally cost, you move to a new town with lots of cows in it.
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February 7th, 2010, 2:27 am |
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Silverwolf
Pack Alpha
Joined: April 9th, 2007, 10:48 am Posts: 9373
Gender: Girl
Affiliation: Galbatorix
Dragon: Facebones
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 Re: I found this on IF when I was really bored a long time ago.
I don't get it.
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February 7th, 2010, 2:54 am |
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redshurtugal08
Black Dragon
Joined: March 26th, 2007, 2:06 am Posts: 6303 Location: the net of love, the whirlwind of passion, the heat of a soccer game, or partying.
Gender: Guy
Affiliation: Dragonriders
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 Re: I found this on IF when I was really bored a long time ago.
well I don't see what's not to get, so I can't explain it to you, lol.
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February 7th, 2010, 3:02 am |
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Silverwolf
Pack Alpha
Joined: April 9th, 2007, 10:48 am Posts: 9373
Gender: Girl
Affiliation: Galbatorix
Dragon: Facebones
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 Re: I found this on IF when I was really bored a long time ago.
I don't get how Mexico is like that.
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February 7th, 2010, 3:09 am |
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Keever McD
Sovereign DragonRider
Joined: August 30th, 2006, 5:51 am Posts: 4650 Location: Home
Gender: Girl
Affiliation: Lamp Shade
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 Re: I found this on IF when I was really bored a long time ago.
He's saying that the Mexicans sell stuff that doesn't belong to them for twice as much as its worth, and then get out before anyone can figure out they were hoaxed.
Which lots of them do, but mostly to unsuspecting tourists I'm pretty sure...
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February 7th, 2010, 5:04 am |
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Silverwolf
Pack Alpha
Joined: April 9th, 2007, 10:48 am Posts: 9373
Gender: Girl
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Dragon: Facebones
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 Re: I found this on IF when I was really bored a long time ago.
Oh, mmm ... Well, I don't know too much about Mexico. They have really fast cartoon mice ...
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February 7th, 2010, 5:09 am |
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redshurtugal08
Black Dragon
Joined: March 26th, 2007, 2:06 am Posts: 6303 Location: the net of love, the whirlwind of passion, the heat of a soccer game, or partying.
Gender: Guy
Affiliation: Dragonriders
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 Re: I found this on IF when I was really bored a long time ago.
lol, Speedy Gozales?
yeah, Mexico is kind of poor in some places... and people get desperate. lol
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February 7th, 2010, 5:27 am |
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Silverwolf
Pack Alpha
Joined: April 9th, 2007, 10:48 am Posts: 9373
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Dragon: Facebones
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 Re: I found this on IF when I was really bored a long time ago.
Yeah, but it's a cultural place with nice big families, yeah?
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February 7th, 2010, 6:40 am |
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redshurtugal08
Black Dragon
Joined: March 26th, 2007, 2:06 am Posts: 6303 Location: the net of love, the whirlwind of passion, the heat of a soccer game, or partying.
Gender: Guy
Affiliation: Dragonriders
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 Re: I found this on IF when I was really bored a long time ago.
yeah, Mexico's really cool and stuff, it just has a retarded and corrupt government that doesn't do **** for the people.
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February 7th, 2010, 7:23 am |
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crazydragongirl
Pink Dragon
Joined: March 10th, 2009, 11:10 pm Posts: 5815 Location: Flying across the oceans on Valkaria's back and watching dawn bloom over the sky
Gender: Girl
Affiliation: Werecats
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 Re: I found this on IF when I was really bored a long time ago.
CDG Corporation: You have to cows. Yesterday you forgot to feed them, so they go on strike. You yell at them for fifteen seconds, feed them, then go inside and read a book.
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February 24th, 2010, 12:21 am |
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solembumer
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 Re: I found this on IF when I was really bored a long time a
Bumer Corporation: You have two cows. After three weeks of finding out how to take care of them properly, you finally get it right, then sell them both off after the 1500th idiot asks you if they can have fresh chocolate milk from the cow, trading them in for a goat that actually *supposedly* ends the need to mow the lawn. Problem Solved.
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July 13th, 2010, 4:59 am |
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Lone Survivor Lurk
New Peasant
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 Re: I found this on IF when I was really bored a long time a
LSL Corporation: you have two cows. You discover one of them's a ninja, and sell them both to the US government on crimes of espionage. Then you use the money to buy new video games.
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July 15th, 2010, 9:06 pm |
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