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My writing...

Author	Message
xInvizablex Peasant Joined: August 6th, 2009, 3:45 pm Posts: 49 Location: Somewhere dark and isolated. Gender: Girl Affiliation: Elves	My writing... I write alot...I go back and forth between poetry and what I would call emotional essays done in second person. If that interests you, I would love suggestions and critics on my work. I just want to get better and I would love opinions to see if my writing is worth doing anything with...So I'm going to start out with a poem that I wrote a couple weeks back. Please leave any suggestions or comments, and hopefully if I find someone interested in my stuff I'll keep posting more. (: All of my stuff are short works, I'm not into writing books. So here goes: Do you Regret? When I begin to stumble, You catch my eye. Fear flashes between us, As the darkness passes by, When I open my eyes, I realize, That I am barely hanging on. I scream for you. I reach for you. You outstretch your arm But only halfway, And then you freeze. Panic grips me… “No…” I whisper to you. I’m begging; I’m pleading. “Save me, please.” But your eyes go dark and your hand pulls away. And now I am falling… Screaming your name, I see your silhouette. You’re just standing there, watching… As I fall… And then the moonlight reflects your tears… They run down you cheeks as your realize what you’ve done. My throat is hoarse; I know that it’s almost over. Do you regret what you’ve done? My tears fall in time with yours… I’m drowning… I surrender to the darkness as it surrounds me. Nothing is left of me. You think you’ve won. You keep telling yourself that this isn’t your fault. But deep down you know that it is your turn to carry around the pain, the pain that you’ve freed me of today. Until one day it will end for you, just as it ended for me. With one last look back, With one last stray tear, With one last decision to make, Without looking back, YOU WALK AWAY And forever am I here to stay. So what do you think? I'm just going to start out with this one..let me know if I should post more...or fix anything about this one...or if you think it's terrible let me know. xD _________________ And I wonder what you'd say if I were gone Would you cry? Did you even notice something wrong? I often wonder what's to live for. I just want this pain to go away All I have are fading memories, pieces of my broken yesterday They say every drop of blood meant something. Here I am, I'm waiting for you, crying out I've fallen to my knees.
November 19th, 2009, 6:33 pm

Silverwolf Pack Alpha Joined: April 9th, 2007, 10:48 am Posts: 9373 Gender: Girl Affiliation: Galbatorix Dragon: Facebones	Re: My writing... The stanzas seem rather random. Like some have three lines and some have seven (rhyme). Other than that, I wouldn't call it unique. It reflects alot of what you normally write, so it seemed kinda predictable. There you go, my friendly annoyance. _________________
November 20th, 2009, 3:41 am

xInvizablex Peasant Joined: August 6th, 2009, 3:45 pm Posts: 49 Location: Somewhere dark and isolated. Gender: Girl Affiliation: Elves	Re: My writing... The randomness was the point. I write too many that follow a pattern, I wanted something different. I'm surprised you know how I write, being that I haven't really posted any of my writing other than a few random poems, but thanks for the critic. Friendly annoyance? Hm. The feeling is mutual. Would you like to critic a second person narrative type thingy? Heres another poem. The Truth; The Fall Another day goes by And I find myself cold inside. Retreating behind the walls I've built, Running to find the soul I've killed. A mistake of my own, To let myself think I wasn't alone. But truth be told, No one can fight through the cold. Some may try To keep this heart alive, But with time, All hearts must die. Some hearts beat for love, While other's beats are rough. But my heart ceased its beating, The second you began retreating. Now that you've gone, I wonder if you despise what you've done. But a part of me knows, You will never let it show. Months have past, And there is another at last. Why bother to fight, When nothing ever turns out right? But onward you go, Never a hint of fear shows. Things begin to shift, The clock begins to tick. Why so determined? I am nothing; worthless. Why not give up? End all of this stuff. But you keep on going, and the results are showing. Until things slip, And our reaches miss. If everything falls and never stops, You must face whether or not, You will take the fall with me, Or walk away forgetting. So I ask of you, Are you ready for the fall? Because everyone knows, Truth is waiting for us all. _________________ And I wonder what you'd say if I were gone Would you cry? Did you even notice something wrong? I often wonder what's to live for. I just want this pain to go away All I have are fading memories, pieces of my broken yesterday They say every drop of blood meant something. Here I am, I'm waiting for you, crying out I've fallen to my knees.
November 20th, 2009, 2:32 pm

Astralwing Master DragonRider Joined: January 22nd, 2009, 8:23 pm Posts: 2565 Location: Far beyond the stars in a world only I could live in Gender: Girl Affiliation: Dragonriders	Re: My writing... I like how sometimes it doesn't seem to rhyme but other times it does. Poems never have to always rhyme so it's pretty cool what you did. _________________ My characters...and counting: ~Hobsyllwin~~Elcyon~~Apollo~~Artemis~~Railyn~~Athena~~Ares~~Yssala~~Luxir~~Valria~~Qaeos~~
November 20th, 2009, 5:11 pm

Australianrockstar Peasant Elder Joined: October 14th, 2008, 10:06 pm Posts: 138 Gender: Girl Affiliation: Dragonriders	Re: My writing... Wow these are amazing. Much better than i could ever write. Good job. Keep posting more. I wanna read more(: _________________ 3 things I love:Wrestling(WWE),Skillet,Pirates of the Caribbean (that's all you'll need to know about me. (: I am a Christian and not ashamed to be.I show my faith alot.You don't have to like me,but just because you don't like me doesn't mean you should hate me.My daddy and my grandma have kept me going all these years,through all the hard times and still do.One last thing,I am a JesusFreak and not afraid to show it!Laugh all you want but those are my beliefs. "Keep a weather eye on the horizon"-Will Turner "Oh hai,I'll cut you"-Emily Faith Simpson "Oh hai kitteh"-Ray Wililam Johnson
November 20th, 2009, 9:05 pm

xInvizablex Peasant Joined: August 6th, 2009, 3:45 pm Posts: 49 Location: Somewhere dark and isolated. Gender: Girl Affiliation: Elves	Re: My writing... Astralwing: Yea, I did that on purpose. I thought it'd be kinda fun. Austrailianrockstar: Alright, will do...here's one: Each and Every Day The way you made me feel today, Makes this life feel worth it. Even if the words don't come and I know not what to say, I know you hear what I'm thinking, I know you're feeling it, Each and Every Day The way you look into my eyes, So strong and gentle and kind. Even when I begin to cry, I know you hand is there to brush the tears away. Each and Every Day The way we hold each other close, Neither of us strong enough to let go. Even if we pull apart, I know you'll always be the one I love most. Each and Every Day The way we have to pull apart, Both knowing exactly what it means. Even though we've given up our hearts, We must live with the fact that our love can never be. Each and Every Day The way the tears fall down my face, The pain spreading poisonously as my heart begins to break. Even no I know, as I always have, you can never be replaced. A ose so intense disappearing in an instance. Each and Every Day The way I miss the warmth you gave me, The void, the endless void, errupting in its place. Even though I must go on, I know that my heart will break, Each and Every Day _________________ And I wonder what you'd say if I were gone Would you cry? Did you even notice something wrong? I often wonder what's to live for. I just want this pain to go away All I have are fading memories, pieces of my broken yesterday They say every drop of blood meant something. Here I am, I'm waiting for you, crying out I've fallen to my knees.
November 23rd, 2009, 6:34 pm

Australianrockstar Peasant Elder Joined: October 14th, 2008, 10:06 pm Posts: 138 Gender: Girl Affiliation: Dragonriders	Re: My writing... wow.that was a very strong poem. i actually felt it when i was reading it. that was so good. show these to someone so maybe they can be published. _________________ 3 things I love:Wrestling(WWE),Skillet,Pirates of the Caribbean (that's all you'll need to know about me. (: I am a Christian and not ashamed to be.I show my faith alot.You don't have to like me,but just because you don't like me doesn't mean you should hate me.My daddy and my grandma have kept me going all these years,through all the hard times and still do.One last thing,I am a JesusFreak and not afraid to show it!Laugh all you want but those are my beliefs. "Keep a weather eye on the horizon"-Will Turner "Oh hai,I'll cut you"-Emily Faith Simpson "Oh hai kitteh"-Ray Wililam Johnson
November 23rd, 2009, 8:04 pm

xInvizablex Peasant Joined: August 6th, 2009, 3:45 pm Posts: 49 Location: Somewhere dark and isolated. Gender: Girl Affiliation: Elves	Re: My writing... I dont know. I dont think any of my stuff is good enough to get published. I'll post another one, it's a little different. Its more of a emotional essay type thing done in second person, but I dont have it with me at the moment. I'll post it soon. _________________ And I wonder what you'd say if I were gone Would you cry? Did you even notice something wrong? I often wonder what's to live for. I just want this pain to go away All I have are fading memories, pieces of my broken yesterday They say every drop of blood meant something. Here I am, I'm waiting for you, crying out I've fallen to my knees.
November 24th, 2009, 6:29 pm

Anton Peasant Elder Joined: May 7th, 2009, 10:42 am Posts: 110 Gender: Guy Affiliation: Shades	Re: My writing... Wow... you are THE best, honestly speaking. Some of those really touched my heart... Although only you'd understand I suppose (=
November 24th, 2009, 6:45 pm

xInvizablex Peasant Joined: August 6th, 2009, 3:45 pm Posts: 49 Location: Somewhere dark and isolated. Gender: Girl Affiliation: Elves	Re: My writing... Well thanks alot...I've wrote a few more. Id like to post them now but I dont have them with me. _________________ And I wonder what you'd say if I were gone Would you cry? Did you even notice something wrong? I often wonder what's to live for. I just want this pain to go away All I have are fading memories, pieces of my broken yesterday They say every drop of blood meant something. Here I am, I'm waiting for you, crying out I've fallen to my knees.
November 30th, 2009, 4:50 am

xInvizablex Peasant Joined: August 6th, 2009, 3:45 pm Posts: 49 Location: Somewhere dark and isolated. Gender: Girl Affiliation: Elves	Re: My writing... Here's one I wrote not too long ago. I Win A rope is all I need, Or one more cut Slicing too deep. I can still feel your touch, It's like a disease. I will never be free. Why won't you disappear? Look what you've done to me. Each tear reflecting my fears. You taught me the love to bleed. I hate the way I see your face, Everywhere I go. I hate the way I feel ashamed, For things that happened years ago. Just give me one more drink. Let me have your last pill. Now isn't the time to think, I've got pain to kill. One last breath and never again will my eyes blink. I'm ready to jump all the way down. I have a motive. I'm ready to drown. And you, I will never forgive. I'd rather die without a sound. I hate the way I crave, Everywhere I go. I hate the way I love a sharp blade, For things that happened years ago. You made me cry, You made me beg. You yelled when I didn't try, You hit when my shoulders sagged. You made me wish to die. I know I am worthless. I was never good enough. So many regrets, All I wanted was your love. I even tried to earn your trust. I hate the way I love to bleed, Everywhere I go. I hate the way I can't succeed, For things that happened years ago. So sharpen my blade, Tighten the rope. It's time I escape. All I can hope, Is that never again will I see your face. It's over; It's done. You lose and I win. You were the run that ruined my fun. And now you can't touch me every again. Don't you realize, That suicide wasn't a sin. Because it's the only way I could win. Let me know what you think. _________________ And I wonder what you'd say if I were gone Would you cry? Did you even notice something wrong? I often wonder what's to live for. I just want this pain to go away All I have are fading memories, pieces of my broken yesterday They say every drop of blood meant something. Here I am, I'm waiting for you, crying out I've fallen to my knees.
December 4th, 2009, 6:46 pm

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