Here's a chapter from a book i'm working on, it's a work in progress and it's not finished yet. Renef is an Alchemist and his brother Ceris is a mage, after thire father's death Ceris's heart fell into darkness and the two brothers got in a sword battle to decide who would become king, since there father did not choose before he died. Renef was over powerd and his brother who still had something of good in him and didn't kill him but instead, cast him out of the kingdom and told everyone that he was dead.

A broken spirit
Renef only 15, not a boy but yet still not a man, hovered over the gray-black marbled slab tomb stone wich was created for his father as a memorial, his long pitch black hair that would have been camouflaged by the darkness of night if not for the gleaming full moon that shown over head flowing the wind. He wore a worn forest green tunic and a long tattered crimson hooded cloak with a golden broach that hung to the floor just barely clearing the surface of the grass, at his waits hung a proudly worn sword with a sleek silver scabbard with a hint of gold swirled in to the mix just to give it an accent and a little personality. Within the scabbard lay an elegant blade with enough balance and precision to tear through six men at a time.
The soldiers sent by his corrupt brother to slay him, for he could not do it himself had chased him, he had crossed over rough terrain and had sustained many injures along his journey through the forest and yet, he still stood, with his head hung low, and knees weak from exhaustion, panting wearily on the brink of passing out from the strains put on every mussel in his entire body. He had to run, he had to escape, for he was the only and last hope for the entire empire of Dragtigra. But, they would have to wait for him to return, because he would have to ready himself for battle.
As he returned to the present from his own private thoughts, he gently lifted his head toward the brightly lit night sky and one silver solitary tear rolls off his cheek and upon the red roses that lay at the foot of the grave. He dropped to his knees, hunches over and placed his hands upon his saddened face, and wept for a few moments. He raised his head ever so slightly to take another glimpse of that golden words engraved in to the stone that read: In loving memory of a past king: Steffen Da’rien De’Zafar A great king and person, will always be remembered and live in our hearts. His hand tightened into a fist. “Why did you have to die!” He screamed with all his grief pounding his fist upon the cold marble tombstone. “Why, why, why!” He sobbed, pounding his fist on the stone repeatedly. “Ceris has gone mad with power and I am truly lost, what should I do! I need answers, I Renef are our only hope!” Tears now streaming down his face, he looked toward the sky as a single raindrop lands plainly on the center of his nose.
It began pouring; he sits there as thought the world is crying for him and his loss. He winced in pain as he strived to stand, brushed off his pale white face and with his head facing toward the ground, his feet dragging in the dirt stumbling over his own tragic memories of his father and what might befall his beloved home, in the petrifying rain that bared down upon his back, and gathered up the rest of his so called life just long enough to reach the inn at the end of town.


After this Renef loses his memmory and start's on his quest to find himself.

I like it, it is good and very descriptive.

I absolutely love it

Uau. Very descriptive and I can see it crearly in my head...

call it RENEF

Thank you guys for the nice comments, and also please tell me what I can improve on in my writing, if anything bothers you at all just tell me. The reason I only have 1 chapter which is in the middle of the beggining is becuse I have like 4 or 5 little stories that I never finished and I'm weaving them together to make one story, and adding more thing into it. You'd be amazed at what I took out and added in. (amazed) Oh yeah, and if you come up with a name like Glader94 did please post it. I'll add more of the story as I create it.