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alex
Undercover Louis
Joined: November 4th, 2004, 5:30 am Posts: 4105
Gender: Guy
Affiliation: Dwarves
Dragon: Amethyia
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Clans of Power
Well for the pass 2-3 years I have been brainstorming the idea for a book. I always wanted to start, but never found the courage and was to lazy to do it. Now I want to try something. I will try to write a chapter per week for the next 52 weeks and hopefully I will have finally have something that looks like a book.
Will start to write first chapter, see you next week.
Chapters:
1 : Fire and Magic "This is based and name on one of my english work that I did last year"
Please post comments
Last edited by alex on October 8th, 2006, 5:08 pm, edited 6 times in total.
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September 26th, 2006, 5:06 pm |
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alex
Undercover Louis
Joined: November 4th, 2004, 5:30 am Posts: 4105
Gender: Guy
Affiliation: Dwarves
Dragon: Amethyia
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Chapter 1
Magic and Fire
Following a faint trail for days, they had reach there goal. The only light came from a camp. It stood in a little clearing next to the river that went down the valley. The center place was surrounded by four or more old rag tents of earthy colors. A fire burned making shadows of red tints that danced on the tents. The cauldron could be seen on fire even with its dull appearance from extensive use. The river glimmered with a golden scent and the leaves in the trees were moving in the slight breeze of summer.
Two shadows were approaching the clearing from the west, moving slowly throw the night. The only sound was the occasional cracking twigs and the sound of animals that ruled the night. Has they neared they paced down to a crawl lowering themselves not to be seen. They halted just by a group of bushes that over looked the clearing. One of them looks above there hiding place. His translucent brown hair shimmered and his red eyes were like the fire itself. They could see a collapse man tied to a pole. He lowered himself back in there hiding place and murmured softly.
“They got father”
“You can track people when others fail Gusca” stated his companion in the same manner.
“He doesn’t look well Docduc” said Gusca in a soft but with worried tone.
“They must have drugged him or worst, at least he his still alive.”
Docduc stood up to look at the scene from his own location. He also had translucent brown hair, but his eyes were a normal brown. He stood there looking at what ever was in front, and then lowered himself down, once he had seen what he wanted.
“They have brought quite a contingent”
“How many”
“A dozen, maybe more”
“That’s nothing, we should struck now”
“How do you want to do it?”
“Like normally,” after which he gave a little laugh.
He raised his right hand up so that it was level with his chest and suddenly a red ball of energy materialized itself in the palm of his hand. Docduc also did the same thing, but his one was green. Giving each other a silent signal they stood up and attacked. Rays of red and green stroke the nearby tents, making them burn instantly. The inferno was spreading from one tent to the next as each rays flew from there hands, illuminating the clearing like if it had been day. There were cries of death and agony has the men in the tents were being burned, the few that had escape stood in the center, confused by what had just happened. The cries continued and the burning of the tents continued.
The pair gave each other another sign and stood up, slowly walking to what remained of the camp they had attacked. Has they were walking towards the camp; both of them took out a sword that had a green and long blade. The men who remained grouped themselves together, they were all quite tall. They weared a black tunic and had a chest armor which had a black dragon and a sword encrusted in them making them soldiers of Nocent. Gusca and Docduc reached the perimeter of the camp and stopped. The fire had built up a layer of smoke that stood still, the breeze had stopped. Many of them where coughing from the smoke. Gusca raised is hand and out of his palm two lighting rays struck two of the soldiers and they fell soundlessly to the ground.
Docduc stopped him from bringing down another soldier and said, “Don’t kill all of them, I also want to practice a bit.”
“Just go, you always take your time, I’ll cover you” exclaimed Gusca unhappily.
“I’ll be quicker,” has he started to run towards the few soldiers that remained, is sword high in the air, preparing to strike. The soldiers also raised there swords to strike, but he had already brought one down in a swift movement to the chest of one of them. He was out classing them by a lot and they knew it. They hopelessly tried to reflect the hits, but where too slow. With each hits, they tried to stay in position, but one by one they were falling to each blow that he made with his sword. One of them with all it’s strength projected it’s sword to Docduc face, but with just a hit brought his sword down and beheaded him. When the last one standing knew that he had no way of winning against this man, he ran for his life. Seeing that is last opponent did not want to stand for a fight, Docduc took his sword and throwed like a spear to the running man that was now a dozen yards away. The blade flew in the air making a hissing noise and then struck its victim in the back, he fell with out a scream. “Gusca, you see, I didn’t take me has long”
Gusca stepped towards the camp, “You did, but do you need to always have a finally.”
“No, it –“
The ground started to shake and the fire exploded in a volcano. A man dressed in red with piercing yellow eyes stepped from behind and a two golden ball of pure light rotated in both his hands. The man moved back one of his hands and throwed it at Docduc, which stood the furthest from him. “No” Shouted Gusca, but Docduc did not see it coming and he fell to the ground lifeless. He then threw the second one at Gusca, but it was deflected on red energy fill that was surrounding him. Anger grew in Gusca, that he was kill and that he did nothing to stop him. That He had been told to protect him, but had failed to do so. Again, the man throwed a ball at Gusca, but it deflected. Then he spoke with a hissing sound.
“You know you can’t kill me Gusca, you have tried before but failed.”
“Over Confidence is a weakness, you should know that”
He made two balls of energy and has he throwed them the field around disappeared and reappeared in a fractions of a second. The two balls reflected form the shield of his opponent and struck the ground nearby.
“Now you will die,” Has a bigger ball appeared Gusca throwed his sword to his nemesis, the blade turned from the pastel green to a fire red. The man had lowered his shield and when he saw the sword coming he tried to block it, but the sword had already struck him and with a scream disappeared. He had runned away knowing that he could have lost it.
“Coward like always,” with a hard breath.
He ran to Docduc and he was already dead, he had not been able to save him, he had fell his friend. He then went to his father, which was still tied to the pole. He untied him and saw that he had been severely burned and would require treatments or he would lose him also.
He burned his friend like traditions, took is father and ran in the darkness of the night.
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October 8th, 2006, 5:01 pm |
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Scarecrow
Green Dragon
Joined: July 11th, 2006, 2:35 pm Posts: 8229
Gender: Guy
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It's reallly good, but you have some Grammatical errors to fix.
_________________ [URL=http://www.wizards.com/magic/playmagic/whatcolorareyou.asp]Take the Magic: The Gathering 'What Color Are You?' Quiz.[/URL
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October 8th, 2006, 5:57 pm |
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nutta_99
Wise DragonRider
Joined: February 25th, 2006, 8:57 pm Posts: 1110 Location: Arkum Asylum!
Gender: Guy
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Run it through Microsoft Word or a similar program. A very good effort, but lots of grammar errors, and a little bit of tidying up of the story line. Ducdoc dying is too subtle, try adding some paragraphs to the part where Gusca shouts "No" and try and change the word "hits" to "blows".
very good otherwise! oh, and change "balls of energy" to something like "shimmers of energy" or "maelstroms" or something like that, just change it from "balls" all the time
_________________ Master Of Nothing Lord Of Everything In all... An Absolute Nutta
I rule Arkam Asylum! Bow to Me!!!!
ME AND PRINCESS ARYA DOMINATE SAPHIRA FORUMS!!!!!!!
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October 9th, 2006, 7:10 pm |
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Keever McD
Sovereign DragonRider
Joined: August 30th, 2006, 5:51 am Posts: 4650 Location: Home
Gender: Girl
Affiliation: Lamp Shade
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Also where it says 'has' it should be 'as'. Other than the afor mentiond it's good
_________________
█ ♥ █ They/them/their pronouns please █ ♥ █
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October 12th, 2006, 7:25 pm |
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Valkyrie
Green Dragon
Joined: August 24th, 2006, 12:24 am Posts: 8123 Location: the second star to the right and straight on till morning
Gender: Girl
Affiliation: SF Rebels
Dragon: Azrye
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I really liked this.
just wondering, did you ever wrote anymore??
_________________ Before you talk, listen. Before you react, think. Before you spend, earn. Before you criticize, wait. Before you quit, try. ~ Ernest Hemingway. You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something in your life. ~ Winston Churchill ... Bad Wolf
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March 27th, 2007, 5:52 am |
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bammmbanggg
Wise DragonRider
Joined: March 17th, 2007, 5:12 pm Posts: 1199 Location: Relient K concert
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You guys are really good at writing, i could never write as good as every one here. My stories end up cheesie
_________________ A good friend will bail you out of jail, but a best friend will be sitting right next to you, saying, "MAN! that was fun!"
yo, i like skaterboarding
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April 1st, 2007, 10:33 pm |
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