Better than the other thing I have half-heartedly posted on here. >> I have three updates written. If anyone's familiar with the Inheritance Forums or Seventh Element's critique levels, this is c-4/c-5.

Fragments
Episode One

I can't tell you why she feels that way. Lost inside, every day – like there's nothing left to pray for. Nothing left to see, nothing left to touch or feel or love or hate.

Her life was empty, but only to her. A gray, emotionless haze. Memories forgotten forever, ground to dust in time.

This is the story of a girl who lost her life.

Let us begin our journey through her past. Come with me and find out what went wrong. What, when, where, and, most important of all; why.

Suddenly, a mist falls over us. When it fades, we see a young girl – if you had to make a guess, you would say she was about thirteen. She is crying over the body of her dog. He died. And he was her best friend.

We see her mother walk over to her. “Get over it,” You see her sneer. “It's just a dog, you wimp.” The girl continues to cry, and her mother slaps her. “Grow up!” She yells at the girl. We see her run away, across the lawn, away from her house, her mother, and the dead body of her best friend. “Don't you walk away from me!”

The mist takes over us again, and when it thins out we see the girl in her mother's room. We see the mirror smashed, the pillows and the bed look like they have been cut into with a knife, and the girl has carved the words “Help me” into every surface in the room. The girls takes out her cell phone and texts her mom with the words, “Come see your room.”

We see the mother come in, moments later. She bursts through the door, staring at her ruined possessions. “You little ****!” She yells. This time, she is vindictive. “You killed my dog! You ladybug ****! You killed my dog, and this is what you get!” The girl throws down the knife. As soon as she does, her mother leaps towards her. “My things are more important than your little dog, you little brat!” The mother yells.

The girl is forced into the bathroom, and we hear her whimpers and screams. We wait for about fifteen minutes in front of the bathroom door, listening to it all and wishing the mother would stop. But she doesn't - and then we hear the girl's screaming cease.

--

James

this is good, keep writing