Heyy every1 i made this topic so every1 can tell there jokes (i can't tell a joke unless i'm not trying 2 so i won't make the first joke) but i'll probly laugh @ ever1's cuz i doesn' take much 2 make me laugh lol see ha that made me laugh & it wuzn't even funny

HERES ONE

There once was a blond parent who decided her kids were not getting enought iron so she gos to the store and buys some be be pellets and she puts some in her kids food so the first one eats some then the second kid eats some and then the third kid eats the rest. Then the next day one of the kids come up and say to mom "Mommy I peed out bullets" then the second kid comes up and says to mom "mommy i peed out bullets" then the third kid comes up and was about to say something but the mom interupted "Let me guess you peed out bullets"
"No" says the kid "I was walking out side and I had to go poop but I was too far from a bathroom so i went poop in the front yard and shot my nabors dog"

LOL!!! that wuz rlly funny !!!!

LOL!!!!
good 1ill remember that

lol!!!!


a blonde is driving through a wheatfield in a jeep. She soon comes across another blonde who is in the middle of the wheatfield in a rowing boat. The blonde in the rowing boat is rowing furiously. So the blonde in the jeep says, "what the hell are you doing?" and the blonde in the boat says, "I'm rowing in a sea of wheat." The blonde in the jeep gets really angry and says, "man, it's blondes like you who are soooo dumb, you make all of us look stupid. I'm sick of you. In fact, I'd get out of this jeep and punch you, but I can't swim."

LOL!!!!!!!


i kno 1 i just remembered it

there is this blonde who could only sey yep yep yep forks & kinves forks & knives goodie godie gum drops so yea she was standing next to a crime scene where a man had died and a poloce officer came up to her to ask her a few questions first was did you kill this man and she sed yep yep yep and he sed wut did u kill him w/ and she sed forks & knives forks & knives and the oficer sed ur going 2 jail and she sed goodie goodie gum drops!!!

Heres 4 or five

Family Honor


A girl was going on her first date and her grandmother gave her some advice:
“The boy may try to kiss you -- it will feel good, but don't do it. He may try to go up your skirt -- but don't let him. He may try to try to take your clothes off -- but don't do it. He may try to get on top of you -- but don't do it. If you do any of these things, you'll disgrace your family.”
The girl said she understood and went on her date.
The girl came home at about 11pm and her grandmother was waiting for her and said, “Well, did you disgrace the family.” “No,” said the girl, “Instead of letting him do those things to me, I did them to him and now it's his family that's disgraced!”


Respectfully Cheating


Jack and Betty are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary.
"Betty, I was wondering -- have you ever cheated on me?"
"Oh Jack, why would you ask such a question now? You don't want to ask that question..."
"Yes, Betty, I really want to know. Please."
"Well, all right. Yes, 3 times."
"Three? When were they?"
"Well, Jack, remember when you were 35 years old and you really wanted to start the business on your own and no bank would give you a loan? Remember how one day the bank president himself came over to the house and signed the loan papers, no questions asked?"
"Oh, Betty, you did that for me! I respect you even more than ever, that you would do such a thing for me! So, when was number 2?"
"Well, Jack, remember when you had that last heart attack and you were needing that very tricky operation, and no surgeon would touch you? Remember how Dr. DeBakey came all the way up here, to do the surgery himself, and then you were in good shape again?"
"I can't believe it! Betty, I love that you should do such a thing for me, to save my life! I couldn't have a more wonderful wife. To do such a thing, you must really love me darling. I couldn't be more moved. When was number 3?"
"Well, Jack, remember a few years ago, when you really wanted to be president of the golf club and you were 17 votes short?"


Old Man and his Babies


There was a 80 year-old man that married a 21 year-old woman. A year later the woman had a baby and the doctor came out and told the old man that he was the father of a 9lb 8oz baby boy. The old man replied, “This old motor is still a' running.”
Next next year his wife had another baby and the doctor came out and told the man that he was the father of a 8lb 5oz baby girl. The old man replied, “This old motor is still a' running.”
The next year his wife was back in the hospital yet again, having their third child and the doctor came out and told the old man that he was the father of a 10lb 9oz baby boy. The old man replied again, “This old motor is still a' running.''
And the doctor said, “Yeah but you better get your oil changed beacuse this one is black.”


Gorilla Chase!


There was a man who owned a giant gorilla and he'd never left it on its own. But eventually he had to take a trip, so he left his gorilla in the care of his next-door neighbor. He explained to his neighbor that all he had to do was feed his gorilla three bananas a day at three, six and nine o'clock. But he was never ever to touch its fur.
So the next day the man came and gave the gorilla a banana and looked at it for a while thinking, "Why can't I touch its fur? Nothing seems to be wrong with it."
Every day he came in and sized up the gorilla for a little while longer as he still couldn't understand. About a week later, he'd worked himself into a frenzy and decided that he was going to touch the gorilla. He passed it the banana and very gently brushed the back of his hand against its fur.
Suddenly the gorilla went "ape" and started to violently jump around. Then it turned and began to running towards the man who, in turn, ran through the front door, over the lawn, across the street, into a sports car, and drove off.
In the rear-view mirror, he could see the gorilla in another sports car, driving right behind him and motioning for him to pull over. He drove for two hours until the engine began to splutter and the car just stopped. He jumped out and began to run down the street, over a brick wall, into someone's front garden, and up an apple tree. He turned around to find the gorilla right behind him beating its chest.
The man jumped down and ran back into the street screaming, until it became dark and he thought he'd lost the gorilla. The man ran into an alleyway then, suddenly, he saw a giant shadow coming down the street ahead. It was the gorilla!
This time there was no escape. As the gorilla neared him, the man began to feel faint. The giant beast came face to face with him, slowly raised its mighty hand and said, "Tag! You're it!"

One day a boy was playing at the park (The Boy can only say my mommy said i cant so i wont and he can also say ok) and a girl comes up she says "Do you want a cookie" and the boy says " My mommy said i cant so i wont" The girl goes pleeeaaaassssseeee" so the boy said "Ok" and takes the cookie when he was done the girl asked "Do you wanna play at my house" and the boy says "My mommy said i cant so i wont" then the girl goes "Pllllleeeeeaaaaaaaasssssseeeeee" so the boy said "ok" and they went to her house and into the bedroom so the girl says "take off your clothes" and the boy said "My mommy said i cant so i wont but the girl goes "Pleeeaaassssseeee" again so the boy goes "OK" when all there clothes were off she said "Get on top of me" but the boy goes "my mommy said i cant so i wont" then the girl goes please again and he says "OK" so he gets on top of her then the girls big brother comes in and says to the boy "get of my sister" but the boy says "My mommy said i cant so i wont"

ha! that was alot
i only hav lame short jokes

lol just post them anyway if u want

POST THEM POST THEM POST THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Heres somemore

A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th Grade class. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class.
She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny Michael?"
"Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters."
"Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for two days."
The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment; she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard.
Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks,
"What's so funny Tommy?"
"Well miss, I just saw both of your garters."
Again she yells, "Get out of my classroom!" This time the punishment is more severe, "I don't want to see you for two weeks."
Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. So she bends over to pick it up. This time there is an burst of laughter from another male student. She quickly turns to see little Johnny leaving the classroom.
"Where do you think you are going?" she asks.
"Well teacher, from what I just saw, my school year is over."





Well, there was this blonde who just got sick and tired of all the blonde jokes. So one evening she went home and memorized all the state capitals.

Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a dumb blonde joke. She interrupted him with a shrill announcement, "I've had it up to here with these blonde jokes. I want you to know that this blonde went home last night and did something probably none of you could do -

...I memorized all the state capitals.

One of the guys, of course, said "I don't believe you. What is the capital of Nevada?"

"N", she answered.





A blonde and her brunette friend were talking. "I hate all the blonde jokes people say."

"Oh, they are only jokes. There are allot of stupid people out there. Here I'll prove it to you."

So they went outside and hailed a taxi driver, "Please take me to 29 Nickle Street to see if i'm home," said the brunette.

The taxi drove them and when they finally got out the brunette looked at the blonde and said. "See that guy was really stupid."

"No kidding," replies the blonde, "there was a pay phone just around the corner, you could have called instead!"

lol they're all funny

i kno lol

I post like 10 more if you want

yea sure post sum more i could use a good laugh

Heres one for true blue canadain hockey fans:

Three canadains are travelling from Toronto to Buffalo during the NHL playoffs. Three americans who had been there watching the game before were going there to. At the train station the americans purchase their three tickets and watch as the canadians only buy one. One of the americans asks "How are u all gonna ride the train with only one ticket?" the canadians just said "You'll see".

As the ticket collector was comming along the three canadians all crammed into a bathroom and put up the occupied sign. When the collector knocked on the door and asked for the ticket, he got one and went on his way. Dumbfounded the american told the canadians that they were very clever.

On the way back to Toronto for the final game of the series the Americans only buy one ticket, and the canadains dont buy any. The American says "Ok, now how are u going to get a ride with no ticket?" the candains jsut say "You'll see." Then on the train all the americans cram together into a bathroom and put up the occupied sign. The three canadains come up to the bathroom, knock on the door and say "Ticket please." then take the ticket and cram into a different bathroom. When the collector comes around they all pile out just in time to see the Americans booted off the train

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ok you got me on that last one

that was a good one, freezingoon!!!

heres mine

The phone rang as I was sitting down to my evening meal, and as I answered
> it I was greeted with "Is this Karl Brummer". Not sounding anything like my
> name, I asked who is calling.
>
> The telemarketer said he was with The Rubber Band Powered Freezer Company or
> something like that. Then I asked him if he knew Karl personally and why was
> he calling this number.
>
> I then said off to the side, "get some pictures of the body at various
> angles and the blood smears", I then turned back to the phone and advised
> the caller that he had entered a murder scene and must stay on the line
> because we had already traced this call and he would be receiving a summons
> to testify in this murder case.
>
> I questioned the caller at great length as to his name, address, phone
> number at home, at work, who he worked for, how he knew the dead guy and
> could he prove where he had been about one hour before he made this call.
>
> The telemarketer was getting very concerned and his answers were given in a
> shaky voice. I then told him we had located his position and the police were
> entering the building to take him into custody, at that point I heard the
> phone fall and the scurrying of his running away.
>
> My wife asked me as I returned to our table why I had tears streaming down
> my face and so help me, I couldn't tell her for about fifteen minutes. My
> meal was cold, but it was the best meal in a long, long time.
>




i think its a true story, but i don't know who it was and it was in a newsletter so i geuss i can post it.

lol lol
lol lol
those are funny!!

HAHAHA DURZAKILLER26 AND FREEZING NOON those are the best jokes ive ever heard..

this is a joke
3 blondes walked into a bar
you think one of them would have seen it coming

i kinda dont get that one.

at first you think its a pub joke
but its a bar like a pole
and they walked into it

o now i get iT, and im LAUGHING SOO HARD..

that was my face when i frist read it, but now its, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAhAHA!!!!

a panda walks into a bar
it orders a sandwich
draws a gun and shoots the ceiling
and then leaves
they looked panda up in the dictionary and it said
eats shoots and leaves

loool ive never heard any of these jokes.

I have, the panda one's really good, even though I've heard it loads of times!

why the chicke crossed the road jokes are over done.

Chicken cross the road jokes just aren't funny
and they can mean one answer
but if you guess it...
they can just change it

I have another couple.


1: What do you call a cow with no legs?

2: What do you call a cow that doesnt give milk?"

1. non moobile
2. evaperated milk,

i dont really know but i like coming up with answers ne ways

nope.

ground beef
a milk dud

You have it all wrong.
A panda walks into a bar
Orders a full-corse meal
argues with a guy about leaving
pulls out a gun and shoots the guy
leaves
the employees look panda up in the dictionary
says eats shoots and leaves

hmmm. i havent heard that one.

What did the centipede say to the robot?

.......hi BWAHAHAHA thats a knee slapper

THAT IS an original lol its not even funny.

i ve got a joke
one day a man decided to see the great african gorilla. he went to africa booked into a hotel and tried to find someone who will take him to see the great african gorilla. one guide willl but on one condition, he can't touch the great african gorilla. so they set out, over the river , though caves , over moutains ,over rapids , though rainforests, over hills , under hills untill they reach the great african gorilla. the man can't resist. he reaches out and touches the great african gorilla. suddenly the great afican gorilla starts to chase him. the man runs away under hills over hills with the gorilla chasing him. he runs through rainforests ,over rpids ,over moutains still with the great african gorilla chasing him. he runs through caves and through the river until he gets to the hotel. the great african gorilla still chasing him. so the man runs into his hotel room and shuts the door. then thereis a knock on the door. the man thinks that can't be the gorilla so he opens the door. the great afican gorilla comes in, corners the man, pokes him and says:
"Tag you're it!!"

thats a pretty good one.

who has ever had a tick in there hair? i hate the little suckers

pun. (i've never had one, ever)

ok here one for you guys

<Two muffins are baking in the oven and one says to the other, "Man, it sure is hot in here." The other one says, "Holy S***! A talking MUFFIN!">


Ok if you didnt find that funny you are really hard to be ammused if you are rolling on the floor not breathing cause of laughing (i did that when i heard the joke) you are very easily amused

There were 3 men in a middle of swimming pools area. Suddenly, they found a bottle floating in one of the pools. One of them took it and open it. Whoopss! A genie pops up.

"Gentlemen, i would like to grant your wishes." he said.

The first one is a guy from Russia, he said: "I want you to change the water in this first pool into vodka!" Genie nodded, "your wish are fulfilled." The russia guy jumped and enjoyed the vodka pool very happily.

The second one is a French, he said: "I want you to change the water in this second pool into wine!" And his wish were granted to.

The third is an American.
"You're great, genie! Now I want you to change the water in this pool into..." at that time, he got over-excited and slipped fell on the pool screaming, "....S***!!"


Ok, it's just a joke, people!!

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!! theirs a simaler joke only its with three guys stranded on a sky scraper or something.

A man wants a pile of dirt moved, he hires a chinese guy a american guy and a british guy. He says to the american you're gonna shovel the dirt into the wheelbarrow. He says to the british guy your gonna move the dirt that's put in the wheelbarrow. He finally says to the chinese guy your gonna go and give the supplys.

He comes back later to find out that no work has been done he goes to the american and asks: whats goin' on why haven't you shoveled anything? The american replies the chinese guy went to get the supplys and never came back. He asks the same question to the british guy and gets the same answer he finally walks near a pile of dirt where the chinese jumps up and yells SURPRISE!

Yeah, I already told that one here a while ago. And the funny bit is he yells supplies because that's how Chinese people say surprise.

bravo bravo How come no comments about mine i feel so un funny

I know the muffin one. Some people just don't get it.

I think that this one isnt funny. It says that there is a mushroom at the prom and no one would dance with him. He says "Whats wrong im a fun guy." The catch is that He said Fun guy and they call mushrooms and stuff a Fungi. Its not funny.

Ok why did the chicken cross the road, to get to the other side.

eh. that one aint to good.

Sorry but I guess I'm not easily amused

im a profesianal comedian in school, in science class and math im soo original.

i used to be the "comeidian" of my old school but i moved and now every time i make a joke that would have made one of my old friends shoot milk though their nose the people at this school will call me gay and think im weird then ill lose all my friends. the worst part of the whol thing is the part wear they talke all my stuff and dump it on the ground. i cant go to the teachers about it becaos they wont do anything about it.

Ok here is one. 2 thiefs are being chased by the cops and the only way to get away from them is jumping in this manuaer pile and one guy says, "Jump first so i know how deep it is." the guy and jumps and yells, "ANKLE DEEP!" so the other guy jumps and it is up to his neck and he asks, "I thought you said it was ankle deep?" he replies "I jumped head first"


If you dont find that funny there is only one joke that will make you laugh and it is my best joke so i wish not to tell everyone right away.

im not too much in a funny mood..

I found it funny!

lol yeah it makes me giggle

i dont realy tell jokes i just tell somthing realy funny about one time in my life.

sumthin funny happens to me everyday, like today i was skating with zarroc in the mall, and i " accidentaly" flinged my skateboard into her ankles and ran, then i remembered i needed to get my board back, lol.

zarroc is a girl?

o sry i said it wrong, hes a boy, i flinged my board into sum lady who was shoppings ankles.

ya. that was halarios. u shouldnt have done that though. she got rely mad and started shouting at us.

whats the difference between lawyer roadkill and possum roadkill?
possum has tire marks in front of it.

if you don't understand this tell me

I dont understand. Srry.

the possum had tire marks, the car tryed not to hit it, but the lawyer didn't have tire marks meaning they did not brake.

sry if this offends you

Ok your going down the interstate at 60 miles per hour and the brake of your sailboat falls off.So how many 1 legged monkeys does it take to roof a doghouse with pankakes.

what the freak?! i have no clue what you mean.

me either, but i have a blonde joke for u guys
k, a blonde walked into a bar....OUCH!!!! lol so stupid, so blonde

i prefer this version,

Three Blondes walked into a bar, youed think they would see it

sure why not. more exciting, isn't it?

whats green and red and goes 40mph?

and,

whats green and red and goes 90mph?


i will award 15 saphira coins to the first person to get iether one right, and if you get both you get 35 saphira coins.

im more a a stand up comedian. i cant come up with theis single jokes.

ohh. well, you can try to figure mine out for sumtin to do.

Um... i guess its a frog in a blender.

now that was funny!

yes, you are correct for
"whats green and red an goes 40mph"

15 saphira coins have now been credited to your account

Is the other one, a frog in a faster blender?

yep yep. blender on high.
firetounge got it. u go girl.

nope. this one is not from the kitchen.
you still have a chance rider64

Is it, a frog stuck on the wheel of a car going very fast?

your close, its got sumtin to do with cars, but ribbit ain't on the wheel.

um... on the windscreen?

close, but not quite, to high. look a little lower

*sigh* the headlamps? the grill? the bonnet? The mud flap? The windscreen wipers? the wing mirrors?

Wow lol, if it's not between those, you can smack my head.. lol

headlights, 15 saphira coins have been credited to your account

A blonde, a brunette, and red head was in a burning biulding.The firemen came and took out their trampoline. They told the brunette to jump, but moved the trampoline so she dies. Then they told the red head to jump, but she said "No, I saw what you did to the brunette". The firemen said "We don't like brunettes." So the red head jumps, and they moved it again, and she dies. Then they told the blonde to jump, but she said "No, I saw what you did to the brunette and the red head". The firemen said " We don't like brunettes or red heads." Then the blonde said "I will jump if you put the trampoline down and step away"

pretty good, i like it.

i can't think of sum right now.