Hey! Can any1 tell me if this looks any good?

1
~Kristie~
I ran. I ran like I had never run before. I knew what had happened to Jake, and I had to be the first to find him. I ignored the rain, I ignored the thunder. I just ran.
Eventually I reached the river, and started to weave in and out of the trees, and around the corner of one of those trees, was Jake. He was leaning against one of the damp gum trees, his eyes tightly closed. You could tell he was in pain.
“Jake,” I whispered.
“Kristie, No, no! Go! Leave!” He gasped, “You don’t know, you wouldn’t understand,” he said, raising his voice.
“Yes I do,” I yelled, “I know exactly what you’re going through, Jake.”
Just then, the clouds moved away. The moon shone, any other time, I would’ve thought that that moon was beautiful, but I knew what would happen as soon as Jake saw it.
Suddenly, Jake let out a terrible scream. I ran to him.
“Jake, you must listen to me. I know exactly what you’re going through; I’ve been through it myself!”
At this, he seemed to calm down.
“You have?” he managed, in a hoarse whisper.
“Yes!” I said, delighted I was getting through to him, “I can teach you how to control it.
“ You can….?”
“Of course! I’m not like it now am I?” I asked.
“If I go back, I won’t be……be like that? Not in front of my parents?”
“No, not now.”
And so we walked back toward the place where we had agreed to meet in another few minutes.

Looks like it could be interesting. I started guessing as soon as I finished.
I think that you could cut out the "I ran to him" though.
Just a couple of sentences before, you;d already put "I rushed to him"
Hurry up and write some more, so I can read if I guessed right!

Thx. I'll be sure to get it going
I like the drop bears idea

Sorry this has taken so long, but I've literally had no time for writing lately.
OK, here's chapter 2. It's written from the view of a different person than in the first chapter.

2
~Venice~

I walked quietly through the village, making sure that I stuck to the shadows. When I neared my destination, I made sure that my hood covered my eyes. I turned the door handle and opened the door. It creaked only a small bit. I entered warily.
"Venice?" someone spoke in a gruff voice.
"Yes, it is I," I said clearly.
A robed man stepped out, and removed his hood, revealing his dark face and black eyes. I did the same, revealing my pure white face and red eyes.

"Is the girl, Kristie, still evading your call?" I asked.
"Aye," he confirmed.
"As she is mine. Do you think that the fact that she is both vampire and werewolf helps her evade the call?"
"That is why I have called you here. A human by the name of Jake was bitten tonight. He seems to know Kristie. The girl claims that she can teach him to control it. Allready he has started evading my call."
"If this is so, how many others has she taught?"
"That is what I am concerned about."
"I must ponder this on my own," I said, "Farewell King of Werewolves."
"Farewell, Queen of Vampires."
With that I left.
Once again, I will only continue with the story if people express interest, so let me know if you want chapter 3 up here!!:)

It sounds really interesting. Hurry up on Chapter 3.

not so great

okay, considerign arya2 likes it I'll put it on. Don't read it if you don't want to tokenbrand.
I don't feel like this one is that good, so once again if you want more let me know

3
~Katrina~

“Where are we going?” asked Jake.
“We are going to a secret society of vampires and werewolves who have been trained to control their powers. It is there that we can determine how long it will take to train you and the best way to do it,” I answered.
So we continued walking until we arrived at a small cave. We entered the cave and continued to the back of it. I felt the wall until I found a small hole and I poked my right index finger into it. The wall slid back revealing a chrome door. I opened it and we walked inside.
“Welcome to the society of Werewolves and Vampires that wish to defy the call and destroy the Royalty,” I said, “Just so you know, the call is what makes us turn into a werewolf or become bloodthirsty. The Royalty are the werewolf King and the Vampire Queen, it is them that distributes the call to control us.
“Follow me,” I said.
We continued down a hallway and went through one of the doors to the left. What we entered was the lab. Several people were doing various experiments. We walked to an empty desk and I asked Jake to sit down.
“I’m going to need to take a blood test, but don’t worry, it’s nothing like what you would have at a hospital, it won’t hurt a bit.” I said
“OK”
So I grabbed the needle and took Jake’s blood, and then deposited the needle into a machine and turned the computer screen. When I saw Jakes blood type and the only way I could train him, my eyes widened.
“What is it?” asked Jake.
“There is only one way to train you, and to do it, you must have almost no contact with the outside world at all. You won’t be able to leave the society. It means no talking to your friends or family, or being seen by them, and it means disappearing, and I don’t know how long for………………

So... what happens next?

Does that mean put the next chapter on?

Yup.

4
~Katrina~
I sat on my bed with my legs crossed. My hands rested palms up on my knees and my eyes were closed. I closed my mind to everything around me, and thought.
Jake had made clear that he still wanted to learn how to control being a werewolf, but I was puzzled. How could we make it so that he could dissapear.
We couldn't simply tell his family that he was going on a school camp or anything. They'd work that out. The easiest way would be for him to go for a walk and not come back, but how could I know the truth yet have to see his parents nearly every day. I couldn't live with seeing them upset, yet have to lie to them about the very thing they were upset about.
But I had no choice. The next time that Jake was home alone, he would have to dissapear.

*This is not all of chapter 4, but I havn't written the rest yet. I'll keep working on it.*

thanks heaps. I'll finish of the first chapter, (The new version that is.) and post it soon.

Ok, here we go.

1
~Kristy~

“Nat, you can’t seriously be carrying that everywhere with you,” I said to my best friend. Nat, who had a massive fear of vampires, was wearing a ring of garlic around her neck. She believed that it would protect her.
“The only thing that that’s going to do is make you stink” I said.
Jake, my boyfriend walked past me then,
“I need to talk to you,” he whispered in my ear, and walked out of the park.
“Who was that?” Nat asked.
“I’ll be back,” I said ignoring her question, and followed Jake.
Jake had only been my boyfriend for a couple of months, but I’d known him for a few years, and, because of the way I jump to conclusions with anything to do with superstitions, I believed he was a vampire, which was the exact reason Nat had never met him. I know what you’re thinking, why would I go out with a vampire. Well, here’s my theory, Jake may be a creature that is supposedly evil, but he’s still a person, and he’s a nice guy. There was also no guarantees that he was a vampire.
I turned the corner to see him. He had a very serious look on his face, it sent a shiver down my spine. I’d never seen him this serious before. He turned and walked further down the pathway. I followed him, confused.
He finally stopped I the middle of a group of trees. It was a very secluded place, which scared me even more of what he had to say.
“I can’t do this any more,” he said, “I like you Kristy, and I know that you like me, which is why I just can’t do this.”
“What are you talking about?” I asked, I was more confused now than before.
“I have been lying to you every moment since I met you, and I just cant stand it any more. I’m not supposed to tell anyone, and I really don’t want to tell you, but I can’t help it. I don’t expect to see you again after this.”
Now I was really scared, but the confusion was gone. I had a fair idea of what he was about to tell me. I was also a little bit disappointed though. I thought I was going to find out something I didn’t already know.
“I’m a vampire,” he breathed.
I was right. As weird as it sounds, that information made me quite happy. I like it when I find out that I’m right about something.
“That’s a shame,” I said, “I was hoping that you’d tell me something I don’t know.”
His eyes widened.
“What?” He asked, amazed.
“I think you heard me,” I answered.
“You knew?”
“Ever since I met you.”
“How?”
“I guessed.” I made it sound so simple.
“Is it really that obvious?”
“No, I’m just very supersiticious.”
“And you don’t care about the fact that your going out with a vampire?”
“Not really.”
“This is more dangerous than I realized,” he said, and he walked away. That was the last time I saw him.


2
*Three years Later*
~Jake~
I ran. I ran like I had never run before. I knew what had happened to Isaac, and I had to be the first to find him. I ignored the rain, I ignored the thunder. I just ran.
Eventually I reached the river, and started to weave in and out of the trees, and around the corner of one of those trees, was Isaac. He was leaning against one of the damp gum trees, his eyes tightly closed. You could tell he was in pain. I rushed to him.
“Isaac,” I whispered.
“Jake, No, no! Go! Leave!” He gasped, “You don’t know, you wouldn’t understand,” he said, raising his voice.
“Yes I do,” I yelled, “I know exactly what you’re going through, Isaac.”
Just then, the clouds moved away. The moon shone, any other time, I would’ve thought that that moon was beautiful, but I knew what would happen as soon as Isaac saw it.
Suddenly, Issac let out a terrible scream. I ran to him.
“Isaac, you must listen to me. I know exactly what you’re going through. I know what has happened!”
At this, he seemed to calm down.
“You have?” he managed, in a hoarse whisper.
“Yes!” I said, delighted I was getting through to him, “I can teach you how to control it.
“ You can….?”
“Of course! I wouldn't say I could if I couldn't!" I said.
“If I go back, I won’t be……be like that? Not in front of my parents?”
“No, not now.”
And so we walked back toward the place where we had agreed to meet in another few minutes.
thats all I've got so far. Let me know if you want me to post more.

Oops, I stuffed that up. I'll edit that post and hopefully it will make a bit more sense .

ahhhh, I see where you got confused. That's my fault too, I'm not so good at the proofreading thing Thankls for letteing me know it was still stuffed up. Hopefully it will make sense now. Here's the next chapter;

3
~Jake~

I led Isaac into my room. It was not because I was afraid of what my family found out that I was worried, they already knew everything about me, and they wouldn’t really mind the news about Jake. I led him there because I figured that he would prefer the privacy.

“So, how am I supposed to control this thing?” he asked.
“Basically, control your anger. That’s the simplest way anyway.”
“You expect me to control my anger?”
“Yeah, I know you have a bit of an anger management problem, but you’re going to need to be able to control it.”
“Why?”
This was the biggest problem with Isaac. You can’t tell him anything without getting him angry. There was no way to keep him happy.
“Look, if you want to be the usual werewolf, go nuts on the full moon, and have no control over what happens, be my guest.”
“Why would you know how to handle it, you’re not a werewolf, are you?”
“No, but trust me, I’ve had a lot of experience in the supernatural, and let’s be honest, it’s me or nothing.”
Isaac sighed. “You’re right. Sorry about that.”
“It’s fine, and you definitely need to control that anger.”
It was then that a group of police walked in the door.
“What’s going on?” I asked.
“You are under arrest,” said one of them, as another one handcuffed me.
“What? What for?” I asked confused. I had never done anything against the law in my life.
“Oh drop it. We know what you are, Vampire.” The final world was more of a snarl.
Isaac gasped.
As they started to take me out the door, I said two words to Isaac. Two words, one name. I left Isaac with the name of the one person that I knew would believe me.
“Kristy Rinshore.”
If you want me to post the next chapter, let me know

4
~Isaac~

Vampire. The word ran through my head a thousand times. Jake couldn’t be a vampire. Vampires were pale and evil. They were monsters that slept in coffins and the couldn’t go out in the sunlight. I had seen Jake eat garlic, his eyes were bright blue, not red, and he definitely grew.

So why couldn’t I get rid of this strange feeling? Why hadn’t Jake argued when the policeman called him a vampire? Why had he said Kristy’s name? He couldn’t possibly mean Kristy from my home group, could he? How could Kristy help?

What I wanted more than anything, was answers, which is why I picked up the phone, and dialled the number I had for Kristy that the school had given me.

“Hello?” answered a voice.

“Can I speak to Kristy please?” I asked, politely.

“Sure.”

I heard a fumbling noise, and then Kristy’s voice said, “Hello?”

“Hi Kristy,” I said, “It’s Isaac from your home group. I know we don’t talk much, but I have to ask you something.”

“Go on.”

“Do you know Jake Norwood?”

I heard footsteps and a door close.

“Yes.”
“How much do you know about him?”

“More than most, why?”

“He was arrested for vampirism this morning. The last thing he said to me was your name.”

“You can get arrested for vampirism? That’s stupid! Isaac wouldn’t hurt anyone!”

I could see now why it was Kristy that Isaac had told me to talk to. She knew that Isaac was a vampire, but didn’t care. Kristy would be on Isaac’s side.

“You knew then?”

“Yeah. I figured it out before he told me.”

I felt betrayed. Why had Jake trusted Kristy with his secret and not me? I tried to calm the anger that welled up inside me. It was then that I remembered my biggest problem.

“Look Kristy. It’s hard to explain why, but we need to get Jake out of there ASAP, or this whole town is dead.”

It was true. Jake hadn’t said it, but if I couldn’t learn to control my anger by the full moon, I would go on a wild killing spree in werewolf form.

“You know what?” Kristy said, “I’m not even going to ask why. I’ll try and figure out a way to get him out.”

“Thanks, Kristy.”

“Bye.”

“Seeya.”

I had done all I could do. I knew I couldn’t control my anger and find a way to get Isaac out at the same time. I had to hope that Kristy would have a good idea, and I hoped she would have it soon.


Let me know if you want the next chapter.

Also, I just thought of a name; Before the moon
What do you think?

good so far

I like it. It's actually not bad at all.

Okay, Here's the next chapter.



5
~Jake~
I sat on the seat with the head in my hands. This was so annoying. Arrested for vampirism. This was stupid. I had never killed a human in my life, let alone tasted human blood.

“Jake Norwoods?” asked a deep voice.

I looked up. I man dressed in a police uniform was standing in the hallway opposite me.

“My name is sergeant Bone. You will refer to me as sergeant at all times, understood?”

“Yes sergeant,” I replied. Now I just felt like an idiot.

“Very good. Follow me.”

I followed him down the hallway to a room where there were tables and chairs, a few of them had some nasty looking men being interviewed on them. Sergeant Bone led me to an empty table and gestured for me to take a seat. He waited patiently until the others where finished, and then took a very large book from the hands of one of them.

“You were arrested for vampirism, is that correct?”

“Yes, sergeant.”

He scribbled a couple of things down in the book. I wondered why I wasn’t handcuffed. If they thought I was this dangerous, wouldn’t they be taking any precaution I could to make sure I didn’t suck their blood.

He proceeded to ask a number of questions, such as how old I was, where I lived, If I had any unique marks or tattoos, wether or not I had any piercings, (as if they’d manage to put a hole in my skin for more then a second) and, much to my amusement, wether I was male or female. After all this, I had to “remove any contrabands from my person” and get searched for drugs. I was then placed in a private cell. I must say I was very disappointed. They only locked the door. They were lucky I was being a good vampire. Otherwise I may well have knocked that door down and made a run for it. I sat down and laid my head back against the wall. I hoped that Isaac had contacted Kristy, and that Kristy had a few ideas on how to get me out of here, and that Isaac had managed to control his anger and that he wasn’t running around the town in wolf form killing people. I decided that it was beyond my control. I put my legs up on the bench, laid my head back, and slept.

***

I woke to a loud knocking on the door. I sat up as the door opened.

“You’ve got a visitor.” A voice said, and then, softer, “In you go.”

A girl stepped in and the door closed behind her. She had her brown hair tied back in a ponytail. Her eyes were a dark blue colour, as if she was thinking very hard. Her dark eyelashes around her eyes made her eyes look even more mysterious, and her perfect lips were open a little, showing perfectly white teeth. I would’ve thought that after three years, I wouldn’t be able to pick her from three of four other girls, yet I would’ve known her face among millions. A strange feeling flooded through me, and suddenly I felt very warm, which was strange, because the temperature inside the cell was very low. I never noticed once over the three years how much I’d missed her. It took me a minute before I was able to speak.

“Kristy.” My voice was little more than a whisper.

She sat down. She seemed to be as stunned as I was.

“Isaac?” I asked

“He contacted me.”

I nodded.

“How is he?”

Kristy seemed confused at my question. “Fine,” she answered.

This was good news. It meant that he was still going to school, which meant that he probably hadn’t lost control.

“He said that you needed to be out of here before the next full moon.”

This surprised me. Isaac was smarter than I gave him credit for.

“Couldn’t you get out of here yourself?” she asked.

“I could, but that wouldn’t help much. I’m trying to tell them that I don’t drink human blood, but they’re not taking it. If I escaped, I would have half the police in the district after me, and if they caught me, they wouldn’t even contemplate that then. They would use the whole, ‘well then why did you run away’ approach, and I don’t think that they’d believe my answer.”

“So, you basically need proof that your not going to eat a human.” She smiled.

I nodded. I wasn’t sure about the look in her eyes.

“I have an idea.”

I felt suddenly cold when she left. I knew from the look in her eyes, and the way she smiled, that I would not like her plan.