The title may change as the story develops. I changed some things but kept some in CP's world, makes it easier to start a story. Please critic it

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Chaper 1
Good News

Aashand woke up to an odd voice calling his name, searching for him. It was much higher than all the dwarven voices that he had grown accustomed to over the last 13 years of his life. This voice seemed vaguely familiar however, as if he had heard it in another life, but of course elves don’t believe in life after death. He looked out the window of his 2nd story room in Tronjheim. The sun was just beginning to peek over the top of Farthen Dûr and Aashand could just make out the beautiful figure of Esra, whom he had liked growing up in Osilon. When he left Osilon he had hoped to see all of his friends but especially Esra once more, that fantasy had long been forgotten. He was so happy to see her tears started to roll down his cheeks as he went down to meet her. He turned the last corner and hurriedly wiped away the tears, and replaced them with the biggest grin he had worn since before the incident, as he had come to think of it. “Esra! What are you doing here? I can’t believe this!” he had planned to space all that out, but in his excitement he ran it all together. She had a large smile on her face too, she would never let Aashand know but she felt something for him too, albeit a small something. ” I’ve come to get you and bring you back to Osilon, they caught your parents killer’s Aashand!” He was slammed with so many emotions at once he felt as if he was hit in the stomach. He was relieved they found is parents killers, grief-stricken remember the deaths of his parents, excited to be able to see Esra and his friends once more, and depressed that he would have to leave his new home and friends. Aashand and Esra went into Tronjheim discussing what had happened since Aashand had left. “Well, Syller and I have gone on a few dates,” she said. She said it with such a casual tone, but it hit Aashand like a charging ox. Aashand never had time to tell Esra how he had felt, nor did she say anything about her feeling towards him. Syller had been his best friend, but he didn’t know how Aashand had felt.” That’s great, I’m happy for you and him,” he said. He knew he would have to wait if he was to ever have a chance with her. “Aashand? What’s wrong with you? Or have you changed that much being with these dwarves” It is known far and wide that most elves feel the dwarves are lesser than themselves. “It’s just if you and Syller break up then how could we all still be friends?” Aashand had always been an extraordinary liar which had put him in many wary situations. “We told each other before we got serious that if anything ever went wrong we would still be friends,” She responded. “I’m still worried though,” he said as they entered his room. Esra sat down on his bed as Aashand started gathering up his thing that he would take to Osilon. As he was deciding whether or not to take a dwarven axe he had bought while in Farthen Dûr or to keep his Elven leaf-bladed sword, there was a knock on the door. “Come in,” Aashand called out nonchalantly. A dwarf dressed in black leather shirt and pants with a leather cowl on came in slowly. “Um, Aashand…” Esra said as she started to back farther away. He turned around, “Wha-“ he started before the small dwarf pulled a dagger out and charged. Luckily he was holding the Elven blade he had just decided to take. He parried the first swipe of the dwarf but the second one gave him a deep cut on his left calf. He swiftly whipped the razor-edged sword around and, in his anger, cleaved off the dwarves head.

Not a bad start. In fact an excellent start, actually. I really like it!

To make it easier for people to read your stories, maybe try paragraphing more. Put each piece of direct speech into it's own paragraph. It makes it easier for us to distinguish each speaker.

ok thanks ill get started on paragraphing and maybe turn out some more to it and i planned on slowly working the physical descriptions out a bit later but if you think it should be quicker i can see what i can do?

ok here's the paragraphed version and ill start on chapter 2 w/ more phys. desc. lol
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Aashand woke up to an odd voice calling his name, searching for him. It was much higher than all the dwarven voices that he had grown accustomed to over the last 13 years of his life. This voice seemed vaguely familiar however, as if he had heard it in another life, but of course elves don’t believe in life after death.

He looked out the window of his 2nd story room in Tronjheim. The sun was just beginning to peek over the top of Farthen Dûr and Aashand could just make out the beautiful figure of Esra, whom he had liked growing up in Osilon. When he left Osilon he had hoped to see all of his friends but especially Esra once more, that fantasy had long been forgotten.

He was so happy to see her tears started to roll down his cheeks as he went down to meet her. He turned the last corner and hurriedly wiped away the tears, and replaced them with the biggest grin he had worn since before the incident, as he had come to think of it.

“Esra! What are you doing here? I can’t believe this!”

He had planned to space all that out, but in his excitement he ran it all together. She had a large smile on her face too, she would never let Aashand know but she felt something for him too, albeit a small something.

” I’ve come to get you and bring you back to Osilon, they caught your parents killer’s Aashand!”

He was slammed with so many emotions at once he felt as if he was hit in the stomach. He was relieved they found is parents killers, grief-stricken remember the deaths of his parents, excited to be able to see Esra and his friends once more, and depressed that he would have to leave his new home and friends.

Aashand and Esra went into Tronjheim discussing what had happened since Aashand had left.

“Well, Syller and I have gone on a few dates,” she said.

She said it with such a casual tone, but it hit Aashand like a charging ox. Aashand never had time to tell Esra how he had felt, nor did she say anything about her feeling towards him. Syller had been his best friend, but he didn’t know how Aashand had felt.

” That’s great, I’m happy for you and him,” he said.

He knew he would have to wait if he was to ever have a chance with her.
“Aashand? What’s wrong with you? Or have you changed that much being with these dwarves”

It is known far and wide that most elves feel the dwarves are lesser than themselves.

“It’s just if you and Syller break up then how could we all still be friends?”

Aashand had always been an extraordinary liar which had put him in many wary situations.

“We told each other before we got serious that if anything ever went wrong we would still be friends,” She responded.

“I’m still worried though,” he said as they entered his room.

Esra sat down on his bed as Aashand started gathering up his thing that he would take to Osilon. As he was deciding whether or not to take a dwarven axe he had bought while in Farthen Dûr or to keep his Elven leaf-bladed sword, there was a knock on the door.
“Come in,” Aashand called out nonchalantly.
A dwarf dressed in black leather shirt and pants with a leather cowl on came in slowly.

“Um, Aashand…” Esra said as she started to back farther away.

He turned around, “Wha-” he started before the small dwarf pulled a dagger out and charged. Luckily he was holding the Elven blade he had just decided to take. He parried the first swipe of the dwarf but the second one gave him a deep cut on his left calf. He swiftly whipped the razor-edged sword around and, in his anger, cleaved off the dwarves head.

Much better! It makes it much easier to read it!

Sorry guys work got extremely hectic and my computer broke so i had no time to get it fixed. bare with me while i try and finish this up

ok.
Computer fixed: check
Work slowed down: check

time to start writing again

I really hate my short attention span.... Ive been working on some short stories other than this but not quite as good. But I've decided to venture away from everything related to The Trilogy and start from scratch. wish me luck