what do you think of this?

Full Name: Ayita Kavaeri Evanyali

Age: 919

Gender: Female

Race: Elven

Handed: Ambidextrous

Eyes: They are usually emerald green but they change colour when she feels a particularly strong emotion (eg. blue when she is sad; orange when she is angry)

Hair: Black and slightly longer than waist-length

Parents: Haldis and Stella Evanyali

Siblings: None

Birthplace: Ellesmera

Skills: Sparring, dancing, singing, archery and spellwork (especially non-verbal).

Weapons: Oaken bow and quiver, dirk, claymore-like sword called

Likes: She loves to sing and dance but she doesn’t like others to see her doing so because she is
usually quite shy and it upsets her to have others watching.

Dislikes: Galbatorix; anyone who works for Galbatorix; the Shades for they killed her parents.

Personality: Usually calm and quiet but when roused she fights savagely and seems almost possessed. She can have a bad temper sometimes but other times she is quite laid-back. Ayita is quite a solitary character and likes to travel alone but despite this she has enjoyed travelling with others in the past. This elf is usually very quiet and secretive.
She has no mercy when it comes to fighting and has no fear when fighting either. Ayita is a very competent fighter and she has a mind for strategy.
The only two fears she has are that she has a morbid fear of fire because it can make her weak, dizzy and unable to use magic. She also fears when there are no stars in the sky because to her it seems like an omen of ill fate.
Ayita rarely talks to strangers; she likes to watch them until she knows whether she can trust them, which she hardly ever does because she always finds a fault with them.

Clothing: Ayita wears an elven russet-coloured tunic and no shoes when she is in Ellesmera but when she is travelling she wears a long top with long sleeves in a dark green and brown pants belted with a woven black belt. She also wears a woven leather headband to keep her hair off her face. In colder weather, although she cannot feel the cold she wears a hooded dark green cloak fastened at her neck. Her clothing is simple but convenient for travel.
She carries no haversack or bag; she merely has Edoc'sil strapped to her back, her dirk on her left hip and her quiver - with her arrows and bow inside it - over her back too. She has a small pouch attached to her belt with flint, tinder and a piece of crystal inside.

History: Ayita was born in Ellesmera. When she was only twelve she got lost on her way home but she was found by a wild dragon who almost decided to kill her but then let her live in exchange for three things: the feather in her pocket; the tip of one of her arrows and also, as a punishment (because the dragon was angry at having been disturbed), a part of her mind which is why she cannot cast spells when she is near fire. In return the dragon gave her four things: the ability to never feel the cold; the ability to speak and understand any language; the gift of never having to sleep and also her freedom.
On her twentieth birthday she went to Vroengard to train, even though she had no dragon. While she was there Shades came and attacked her parents back in Ellesmera, killing them. Almost mad with grief, Ayita swore to get revenge for her parents’ death.
Soon after that, when she was back in Ellesmera for the Agaeti Bloodhren, she found, upon the Stone of Broken Eggs - although it was not called that then - only one dragon. It was dying but as she approached it on soft feet she saw with wonder that this dragon had laid an egg, even though it was soon to die. The dragon saw her and tried to spit fire at her but failed and so it spoke to her in its own tongue.
My name is Isaura but my time is passing. If you look after my little one you will be blessed and cherished by all dragons. And then she died.
Ayita was not sure what to do so she took the egg in her hands and put it to one side, used what energy she had to give the dragon Isaura a grave and then picked up the egg once more and sought an audience with Rhiannon, the elven queen.
The queen was very surprised when Ayita entered with a dragon egg in her hands which, within a few minutes hatched and gave Ayita the gedway ignasia on not one but both palms.
Since that moment Ayita has sworn once again to kill Galbatorix with the aid of her dragon, Avari, and until she has she has vowed never to stop trying. She has travelled almost all over Alagaesia and she wants to find out what lies beyond the seas and whether or not the elves came from there.

Side: With the Varden, against Galbatorix


Dragon

Name: Avari

Age: 899

Colour: Emerald green

Eyes: Silver

Parents: Isaura & Hadar

Birthplace: Ellesmera

Likes: Flying and hunting

Dislikes: Galbatorix

erm...guys could you please tell me whether its accepted or not???.....sorry for the double posting

Please put spaces between the characteristics, and make your personality much, much longer. After that, I'll see what else.

is this better? i've elongated the personality and put spaces between each thing

P.S. sorry that i have two charcters almost the same in the application thing. It's because I originally didn't know that I could edit on the same post . This is the real one that I want to use.

A lot more history. Maybe about half the size of history. Once u do that, I'll check for othre mistakes.

is this better? I think I've done what you asked...i added history and personality. Is there anything else I need to do?

She's a bit too old, almost two milleania. Think it should be under 1M. You could also do a bit more clothing description too give us a better vision.

Ok...i think I've done everything. I've changed her age and added some onto her clothing description...is there anything else needed?

Well, you really should have used the style that Wing made. But you did that, addind a few things such as handed. Overall, it's fine.

so...it's accepted or should I add some other stuff?

erm...GUYS? is it accepted or not? (sorry im impatient)

RAWR! Next I hear that, I'm ignoring all rps!

sorry...is there anything else I need to add?

Lol, i was joking. It's fine, u just need to wait.

hehe...ok. I have to wait for Glenwing to give it the "OK", right?

seems okay! accepted.