i have this story im writung i want to know your opinions so far...



I saw it lying there stiff and at an odd angle, the body of my father. A loud rumble started in me and was expelled in a loud scream, a scream that would have broken windows and smashed bottles, a scream that would have been heard all across the country.
Suddenly the door swung open and in ran my next door neighbour Ted, Ted looked first at me, then at my father. He ran over to him and checked his pulse… nothing.
Slowly he rose and held my now sobering body close to his.
“I’m really sorry Liz, he’s dead”
These words ran through my mind, I couldn’t believe it my father, my father was dead. How was I, an only child of sixteen, with no living parents or relatives (that I had heard of) supposed to survive?
“Come on Lizzie you should come over to my place tonight, I suppose the police will want to look at this, ill ring them now.
Ted guided me towards his house and let me sit down in his lunge room, then he ran the police. I could hear him talking but none of it was regesting in my mind, the only thing I could think of was the picture of my father lying on the ground. Then I realized, the gun… he had a gun… he had killed himself, but why?

yeah your opinions please its only the start

I like it, but it should probably be in fanfiction.

I wouldn't mind reading more of it. (Why is it when someone posts here, they don't ever put more on or just stop without telling why?)

i'd like to read more too.

its because they want to see if the beginnings ok so they can follow it up well

it looks good i'd like to see more as well